I’m being Deported…
After 476 Days, I’m finally getting my port removed.
Today is a big day for me…. physically, mentally, emotionally.
476 days ago, I had a hit a point in my health that I never want to go back to. 476 days ago, I was weak, frail, tired and not in a good place. 476 days ago, I had my port put in and became what my kids affectionately refer to me as, Iron Mom.
During those 476 days, many things have happened. I initially hated the thought of getting a port. It meant that I couldn’t handle what my health was doing. It meant that I needed help and something to make things easier…. I’m not one to ask for help (stubborn, I know.). It meant that I’d have this ‘thing’ that would protrude out of my chest because I was ‘just too skinny’. I learned that wearing a bra would be extremely uncomfortable – not that those things offer much comfort. Seatbelts were often a pain. Swimsuits…. as if there isn’t enough to be worried about when it comes to swimsuit season… I had something ‘weird’ to look at.
I’m pretty sure I complained about it every day…. even if I eventually ‘owned’ it and just dealt with it. However, it has so many negative emotions attached to it that I am so happy to get rid of it!
2015 was by far, my worst year in health terms. I traveled thousands of miles, spent so many hours in hospitals, labs, clinics, doctor’s offices, etc. I was on a ridiculous roller-coaster ride….. but now we are jumping off that ride.
Over the last few years, I’ve hit rock bottom… I’ve hit by biggest high so far…. I’ve learned so, so much. We’ve grown in faith and love…. I’ve learned that while I hope doctor’s have our best interests in mind, we also need to take responsibility in our health. That might mean taking medication…. but I encourage you to ask questions about medications, side effects, etc. I did not… I just assumed that certain things were necessary. Some of those things have caused my life to change permanently. Taking responsibility might mean having certain procedures done…. I encourage you to ask tons of questions about why it is necessary and how it will help. These things get very costly, very fast…. don’t even get me started about that part of it.
While the negative ties to this port is the majority reason for having it removed, it also costs way too much to justify keeping it. I won’t get into specifics but let’s just say that after having it 476 days, we probably could have gone to Disney… twice, or maybe finally had a honeymoon or something. These are things that are taking priority in my life… not vacations or spending money, but enjoying this life with my most loved people. I want to be able to wrestle around with my kids without having to worry if they hit my port. I want to be able to hold my baby god-daughter without worrying about her head-butting it. I want to have that confidence back and I definitely don’t want my port to be to topic of conversation.
With my chronic, ‘invisible’ illness, you can’t really ‘see’ how I feel or ‘see’ how bad my day is going. It’s not that I want to pretend that I’m not sick… but I hope that having this removed with make me feel a bit more normal. I think it will help me accept reality a little better and plus, it’s just ‘in the way’.
Basically, I’m over looking at it. I’m over dealing with it. I’m over paying stupid amounts of money just to have it. It has to go! It’s ultimately my body, my decision and I’m very excited about getting it removed.
As for a health update – the port was more of a convenience item. It makes infusions, labs, IVs a little easier BUT my veins and overall health have improved enough that I can handle them without the port. I’m no longer getting infusions weekly, but maybe a few times a year. I will still be getting labs to review my overall levels every 2-3 months. We are kind of at a waiting point – we wait to see how things progress and go from there. The future is always unknown and we are prepared for things that may come up that have always been in the back of our minds. For now, we are celebrating…. celebrating port removal day and the fact that this will be the healthiest I’ve been during the holidays in the last 5 years.
Thanks for always supporting, praying, thinking of us and helping us in more ways than we can describe. You guys are the best and I know you’ll celebrate this exciting day with me! Much love to all of you!!